Rambodoc at large

Indians have a few million Gods and Goddesses, and can’t get enough of them, it seems. An infant with both male and female genitalia is being showered unwanted attention in Ball-sore (Orissa), and being thought as a reincarnation of Lord Shiva and Parvati.
To expose the phallacy of this intro, read this news article.
Scientifically speaking, this is old hat. Ambiguous external genitalia is not very rare (may be seen in up to 1% of all births), but true hermaphroditism (where both testicular and ovarian tissue are present) is less common. Contrary to popular notion, the ‘main point’ of the male is not the penis, but the testicles. Similarly, the vagina or the clitoris in the female are not the determining female organs, but the ovary is. External genitalia can be confusing (ambiguous): if the baby’s testicles have not descended at birth, how can one say whether it has a large clitoris or a small penis? I hope you get this answer! If it a large clitoris, the urinary passage is separate, whereas in the male with a small penis, the urine goes through it. However, things become more muddled in the condition known as Hypospadias, where the urinary passage in male babies opens through the scrotum. Now imagine a tiny scrotum without any balls in them, and a small hole through which urine comes out: could it not be confused with the female anatomy?
This is one of several reasons why there is confusion in identifying the gender of some cases.
Apart from the morbid imaginations of the mind, there are some interesting issues here:
* What should the parents do? Surgical reassignment surgery (popularly called sex change operation) is an obvious option. However, whether to make the baby a boy or girl becomes a troublesome issue. Imagine that one (surgically) makes the baby physically a female, and when ‘she’ grows up, she wants to be a boy (because ‘she’ feels like one). What a disaster that would be! For this reason, many experts counsel that the sex change operation should be done when the child grows up and its sexual orientation is clear, along with its choice.
* Imagine again, that the parents of a baby of undetermined sex opt to wait for the child to grow up. How horrible would the child’s growing years be, without it having an idea of what gender it is, and having to cope up with brutal teasing and harassment at home and school!
* Should society officially declare three, and not two, genders: the third being the intersex? Makes you wonder whether these people (we should really coin a word similar to ‘ladies’ and ‘gentlemen’ for them) would visit, after watching a movie, the male toilet or the female!
India being such a reserved country, should we keep away 1% of Parliament seats and 5% of educational seats for the third sex? Should we ban sex determination by preventing doctors from telling the parents what the sex of the baby is? What if the upset parents, upon hearing that they have given birth to a girl, commit murder of the child? (you really have to click that link to understand the irony of this!)
The whole purpose of this article was to engender some discussion by testicling your imagination!

Well, here is another great invention getting some stick, as opposed to getting on it: the new vibrating condom called Crezendo, has been indickted as harmful to Indian culture. The Prime Minister of India has been attacked by politicians for "promoting a sex toy that is harmful to Indian culture".
This condom, as the news stories say, has a chip in its base, and vibrates to give pleasure. The condom, so the story goes, will become popular in India and help in stopping the spread of AIDS, which occurs mainly because Indian men think condoms are harmful to their culture. It is a small wonder that in a country where babies are created faster than you can say ‘Rabbit’, sex itself is not considered to be anti-Indian. I strongly support a public movement against all sex. Let us ban sex. Let our wonderful politicians take the initiative and take a hard stand one night on this menace. Let them declare under oath that, as long as they are Ministers or MPs, they will not have sex with any human (male, female, or indeterminate), with any animal, plant, or derivative products, or with any object, natural or synthetic, without fear or favor. And they cannot even say “Gaaaawdd” when they come to the natural culmination of this topic, leaving no issue, if you understand me!
Once our great politicians stand on one pole, the rest of the nation can ban sex. Naturally, sex toys, condoms (vibrating or silent, spicy or fruity), sexy, vulgar TV channels like FTV, AXN (no, don't ask me why--I am surprised even the History channel is not banned), etc. will be wiped out. Mass opinion will flush these cockroaches down the drain.
As long as this issue still remains at large and pokes us in the eye, let us milk this topic for all its worth, go the nine inches, sorry yards, and ask the most important question:
“Does the vibrating condom actually work the way we imagine it to?”

Blogging.
Looking catatonically at a screen.
Moving blind fingers invisibly over a silent keyboard (it’s a Mac).
Smiling serenely, reading unreal compliments about oneself.
Going to bed with a hot piece. A laptop.
Becoming too self-possessed to notice your iBags.
Sprouting a hernioid mid-part that serves as a table for the PowerBook.
(At least the gonads are spared the thermal damage, but why do I bother?)
Make friends with perfect strangers, like Hugh Grant does with women on the street.
Diagnose you are getting bald when the laptop malfunctions, because all your hairs went into the AS..H.. L; (I mean the keys on board, have a look at yours, keyboard, I mean!)
Only people with really dirty minds must be reading my blogs.
Have early morning headaches the way women have big-night headaches (both work as anorexiants for the sex organs). Useless brainwave #4358= let us call them gonorexiants! Or libidorrhagic agents. Is there a Nobel Prize for being just clever?
Laugh like a hysterical patient of hysteria while reading the popularity of your blog: at 22476824930044999000000004427639427398, you never knew that many earthlings even existed, leave alone earthlings with enough shillings to bear internet billings.
Stare vacantly past conversations made by people, thinking about the mystique of being labeled 22476824930044999000000004427639427398 in the planet. Even as a poor student, you stood 18th in a class of 35 students. Never 22476824930044999000000004427639427398. No, I have thought about this, never.
Google must be wrong. With that many computers and terabytes (whichever way they spell that) they are bound to get confused and make the occasional mistake.
As you are vacant and contemplative, your spouse is now convinced you are having an(other) affair. God, how good that feels, to be even considered good enough to be having an affair!
The sub-pubic ambient temperatures are very high, but not so much an androgenic as an electronic phenomenon: the PowerBook is known to generate heat enough to cause blisters on a hippo’s ass, if such hippo were resourceful enough to blog on a Mac.
I read in a blog that every man and his dog have a blog. Why not a hippo? Tell me, anyone??
I think the heating issue is now affecting my hippocampus, and the whole planet.

Disclaimer: To read this article, you have to be at least 18. Months, I mean. If you are less than 18 months, please do what every good infant does these days (right-click, check Properties, adjust Parental Controls, etc., etc.), exit, suck your thumb, and go to sleep.

What do you know, now they say that for pornographers, internet is now a curse.
Really, how come, if you know what I mean? It turns out that everyone has now bought into the free trial thing so much that buying porn has become as redundant as, um, a flaccid penis. "The barrier to get into the industry is so low: You need a video camera and a couple of people who will have sex," a producer says. So what, I say, even my surgeries need just that! Not a couple of people who will have sex, but surgery. You know where I am getting at?
"Inexpensive digital technology has paved the way for aspiring amateur pornographers, who are flooding the market, while everyone in the industry is giving away more material to lure paying customers" says a producer. You mean, like surgeons giving away free CDs of their operations to their prospective patients? How impressive!

"And unlike consumers looking for music and other media, viewers of pornography do not seem to mind giving up brand-name producers and performers for anonymous ones, or a well-lighted movie set for a ratty couch at an amateur videographer's house." Tell me about it, most of my patients go to low cost nursing homes rather than sell their houses to get operated by me, you know!

"The more traditional pornographic film companies are not giving up, of course. They say they have an answer to the new competition: quality.

They are seeking to differentiate themselves from makers of inexpensive films by selling with fancier packaging in stores or through slicker Web sites, and by using better cameras and more experienced directors and performers. They are banking that viewers will be discerning when it comes to sex.

"We use good-quality lighting and very good sound," said David Joseph, president of Red Light District, a production company in Los Angeles." Arrey, that is exactly what I tell all my patients!

Joseph said his company did not waste its time, or that of the viewers, on unnecessary plot lines.

"There's not a whole lot of story - it's basically right to the sex, but we're consistent with the quality," he said, noting that the company is also careful to pick interesting backdrops. "We use different locations, rooms and couches." Sounds more and more like surgery, now, if you add different positions, which these guys surely do.
So, what are the porn companies doing to offset their higher cost status? "But Logan said he could improve his packaging for retail shelves. He has begun adding a sleeve around his box covers that includes a foil logo and metallic sheen to bring out the images." In other words, they are putting band-aid equivalents on the DVDs, just like modern-day surgeons.
So, the West is now in the clutches of free porn. Like us. We Indians have been seeing free porn in all our Bollywood movies since I was old enough to wear knickers. Only that the free display of sex was always between butterflies and the odd birds. Now that doesn't sound quite straight. 'Odd' birds having sex would be like three or five of them. What is this, a circus?
Indians have realised, after having taught the world how to do it really well, that the most that can be allowed to be seen in public is rape. Never straight sex. Not even kissing. Rape is fine to display. Kissing is 'harmful to our cultural traditions', as Richard Gere found out recently.
As a surgeon, I am getting ready for the day when I will be forced to manually examine female patients through a small window in a huge sheet spread and held over the patient, while the guardians of morality stand in wait. So now I just place my hand over the clothes, close my eyes, and.....order a CAT(Casually Attended To) scan!